Oh! It was as subtle as one of those metaphorical frying pans in the face, but I think I understand a little better now. Maybe. I’m sorry if I was too stupid or ignorant or blind or just plain dumb to get it. But you are very clever, aren’t you?
This way..this way of learning each other is hard.
But seven years later, nearly, here I am, and the one constant is that is that it is still you. Only you. My stomach is in knots most of the time over you. Most of the time it’s because I don’t understand. Probably not smart enough. You know about the videos. Fans asked, I shot them on my vacation, it was like being at work chasing down players I was mostly disintersted in. A few I liked, because I’d seen them play before, in Miami, or locally, or because I found their ballbashing games akin to my own, but c’mon, who besides someone involved in tennis has time to follow hundreds of players? I took lists of requests to tournaments to shoot hours upon hours of tennis video for fans and followers of certain players, period. I’m sure you know how to search deep and check that out if you really need to bother.
Ask youself an honest question about the content I have posted from tournaments the past few years. Do nearly all of the opponents look familiar? So now you know. The videos–that stuff’s for you. I thought perhaps you might either want to look back on your triumphs, or study past opponents, re-live old memories, maybe use them for coaching, if that’s in your future. Or present. I’d shitcan it all in a second if I knew or thought it hurt you to have any of it on the Internet. I didn’t and don’t shoot it for me, and except for what I’ve shot of you over the years, I don’t think I’ve ever watched any of it.
That’s crazy, but true. You’re truly the love of my life. Now, if only I could actually meet you someday….
I do like going to an occasional local tournament though, because it gets me out of the office one or two days out of the year. I promise, all I do is think about you though.
Seven years later and it’s still you. Only you. I don’t know if that means anything to you. It does to me. It always will. You always will.